And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Two words: blizzard sex
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
