bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You are a genius and a whore.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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