If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
