areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
