I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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