You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
