NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
