I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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