I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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