As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
