How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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