we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I wannas sexs uuuuu
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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