it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize
