i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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