A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
