The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
