Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Drake has all the answers
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
last night I used snow as a chaser
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
