Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
