Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
