when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
is that a dick in a sweater?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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