shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
