So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Randomize
