I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
