I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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