Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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