I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
