He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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