they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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