I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
