ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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