well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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