Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Randomize
