you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
