Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
