I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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