We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
