we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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