Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You were trust falling into bushes
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
