uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
