I just made out with a guy for $7.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
