She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
