We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Too much gin, very little bucket
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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