That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
