So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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