Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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