Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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