didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
