My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
