They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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