also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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