i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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